What To Say To The Dying

My friend and mentor John Ellsworth Winter spent much of his life talking and teaching about death and dying. It takes a special teacher who can engage undergrads with a philosophy course entitled Thanatopsis: A Consideration of Death.

After his own death in January, John left behind scraps of paper, index cards, notes in the margins of books he read, and more. Many of these scribbles contain his thoughts and feelings about death.

I came upon this reflection he wrote at the end of his book Glorious Tragedy. Here, John shares his thoughts about what to say to those who are dying:

Rather than ask the condition of dying persons we would do better to greet them with a particular non-confrontive Polynesian greeting shared when meeting someone: “THERE YOU ARE!”

The greeting, so different from “Hello,” “Hi,” or “How are you?” is a healing poultice beholding the excellency of anyone, including a dying person. Immediately the greeted one has standing. Excitement accompanies the recognition of “THERE YOU ARE!” The phrase is invitation for them to engage in conversation.

THERE YOU ARE is an avowal to dying persons that they still are worthy of being spoken to, thought of, accepted as human though dying, as still viable beings who talk and listen.

THERE YOU ARE is an earthly form of a mystery solved, a problem overcome, an obstacle surmounted, a lost pearl of great price found, a journey soon to be taken and now being prepared for.

Those three words tell addressees they are important, alive, and ready for the future whatever it may be.

Those three words grant status to the addressees. They say, “Talk with me. Tell me.”

THERE YOU ARE!

John’s words remind me that all of us desire to be heard. And those who are dying often have the most worthwhile things to say.

“How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, “I saw you…”  John 1:48

In Christ,

Jeanette

 

Far From The Shallow Now

Even if your favorite picture didn’t win an Oscar this year, it was hard not to shed a tear watching Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper sing “Shallow.” Watch it here

I confess that before that night I had not really paid attention much to the poetry of the lyrics. The song begins as Cooper asks,

Tell me somethin’, girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more?
Is there somethin’ else you’re searchin’ for?

He admits, “I’m falling….and in the bad times I fear myself.”

Gaga responds with a similar sentiment,

Tell me something, boy
Aren’t you tired tryin’ to fill that void?
Or do you need more?
Ain’t it hard keeping it so hardcore?

She echoes his words, “I’m falling…and in the bad times I fear myself.”

But then Gaga belts out the emotional climax of the song:

I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I’ll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface, where they can’t hurt us
We’re far from the shallow now

As I’ve thought about the song, I’ve thought of all the times in the midst of  “bad times,” I’ve chosen to stay shallow. I’ve filled the void with the superficial. I’ve dwelt in anxiety or fear.

This week I’m inspired by Lady Gaga’s call to go off the deep end. Let them watch as we dive in!

“For God did not give us a spirit of fear…” 2 Timothy 1:7

In Christ,

Jeanette