My friend and mentor John Ellsworth Winter spent much of his life talking and teaching about death and dying. It takes a special teacher who can engage undergrads with a philosophy course entitled Thanatopsis: A Consideration of Death.
After his own death in January, John left behind scraps of paper, index cards, notes in the margins of books he read, and more. Many of these scribbles contain his thoughts and feelings about death.
I came upon this reflection he wrote at the end of his book Glorious Tragedy. Here, John shares his thoughts about what to say to those who are dying:
Rather than ask the condition of dying persons we would do better to greet them with a particular non-confrontive Polynesian greeting shared when meeting someone: “THERE YOU ARE!”
The greeting, so different from “Hello,” “Hi,” or “How are you?” is a healing poultice beholding the excellency of anyone, including a dying person. Immediately the greeted one has standing. Excitement accompanies the recognition of “THERE YOU ARE!” The phrase is invitation for them to engage in conversation.
THERE YOU ARE is an avowal to dying persons that they still are worthy of being spoken to, thought of, accepted as human though dying, as still viable beings who talk and listen.
THERE YOU ARE is an earthly form of a mystery solved, a problem overcome, an obstacle surmounted, a lost pearl of great price found, a journey soon to be taken and now being prepared for.
Those three words tell addressees they are important, alive, and ready for the future whatever it may be.
Those three words grant status to the addressees. They say, “Talk with me. Tell me.”
THERE YOU ARE!
John’s words remind me that all of us desire to be heard. And those who are dying often have the most worthwhile things to say.
“How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, “I saw you…” John 1:48
In Christ,
Jeanette
A Sacred Space 